seeking knowledge and laughter, putting a bullseye on inaccuracy

Porn Rebuttal

Major props to Jeff Raines in California - who responded to Ross Douthat's Pr0n Slam in a previous Atlantic Monthly - which I also wrote about here. This letter appeared in the December 2008 Atlantic Monthly.

Ross Douthat (“Is Pornography Adultery?,” October Atlantic) writes, “The man who uses porn is cheating sexually, but he isn’t involving himself in an emotional relationship.” Does that make my wife’s romance novels—in which the heroine meets and falls in love with a handsome sea captain with a Ph.D. in marine biology just back from Far Tortuga, where he was saving whales and attempting to get over the tragic loss of his wife, who died trying to climb K2 to raise money for the Special Olympics—better or worse than anything I might see on PhatFarmGirlz.com? She’s also cheating sexually, and she is involving herself emotionally—vicariously falling in love—with a fantasy male I can’t compete with (except for the perfect pecs and the cleft chin, anyway). Why is it that Mr. Douthat’s outrage is aimed only at men?

I continue to stick to my answer of "maybe" to whether porn is cheating or not. Depends on how you and partner define the relationship. Trying to find a universal answer to this question is silly and denies the fact that relationships are built on the needs of those involved (or should be) and the people who are truly concerned about a stable society have to stop trying to force their narrow-minded BS on the rest of us.