seeking knowledge and laughter, putting a bullseye on inaccuracy

Republicans are a Threat to the Institution of Marriage

Between Senator Ensign (huge critic of Clinton, called on him to resign due to his infidelity) and South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, the Republicans and their extramarital affairs are clearly threatening the institution of marriage. These leaders are setting an example that husbands have little obligation to be faithful to their wives. They frequently claim that homosexuals are a threat, but this is clearly a gambit to hide the fact that Republicans are intent on destroying the monogamous family unit that forms the basis of Western Civilization.

I'm actually quite surprised that it took so long for us to figure this out. After all, the states that overwhelmingly vote for Republicans have the highest divorce rates - especially those among the "Bible Belt." On the contrary, the states with the lowest divorce rates tend to overwhelmingly be more liberal - all stats from the CDC.

Clearly, Republicans have been more strategic than we gave them credit for. While they have undermined the entire institution of marriage with their frequent infidelity, they have convinced millions that gays are the real threat! Despite an utter lack of evidence for the gay threat to marriage (aside from a few passages from a book that equally condemns eating shellfish or wearing fabrics of mixed materials), we have fallen for a classic misdirection.

We must take action - we have to pass laws to protect marriage from this Republican onslaught. Legislation ought to immediately require that anyone who wants to marry declare their voting history. Those who vote heavily for Republican will be denied a marriage certificate in order to prevent more damage to such an important institution - the marriages of people who take it seriously. Additionally, the legislation will recognize the marriages of same-sex couples as well - a group of people that has not actually damaged the institution.

As always, the government will not require all churches to marry same-sex couples. Bigoted churches should be free to continue discriminating until they have run out of members (thank you younger generations who are annoyed at the irrational prejudices of gramps). In this case, the government will just get out of the way and stop preventing people who love each other (but intend to be faithful to each other, thus ruling out Republicans) from marrying.

In case it is not obvious, the above is mostly sarcastic. But this is 100% from my heart: to all you Republicans and your moralizing, shut the fuck up (or, for those who recognize this important acronym, STFU). You fucking assholes have spread hate while proving utterly less moral than perhaps every other societal group. Republican politicians may well be the least qualified people in the country to ever make a moral decision. You fuckers make me sick. Now go back to your goddamn cheating and leave the rest of us the hell alone.



Tell us what you really think!

Real indignity

I think the repugnants are mainly pissed that Sanford is screwing an immigrant! It also forces them to take another look at Sonia Sotomayor. I think Newt Gingrich is hot for her...